SIMPLE AND COMPLICATED
Marilou Enoya
“Ten years from now? I don’t know, maybe I’m a wife of a loving man. I have kids and living in house outside the city
Happy.” That’s exactly what I told Roger. They have just finished their rehearsal that Friday afternoon and we walked to the terrace to get ourselves some fresh air. Roger and I have been friends for about a year now but we never have had such a serious conversation before.
Roger is a vocalist of a two-year old rock band and every time they have a rehearsal, he invites me to their house to watch them sing their lungs out. They have to sound perfect, he tells me. They play every Saturday night at a music bar in Manila; one thing that his band can really take pride of.
Roger and his band value my criticism. When I say they are a little out of tune, they stop and try to figure out what I’m talking about. When it comes to music, a lot of my friends believe I have a great potential of becoming a singing sensation.
I love music. I met Roger through music. We met when he invited my friend Alice to his birthday party. When Roger and his band played their music to entertain his guests Alice suddenly dragged me to join Roger on the little stage and sing with Roger. There was nothing romantic happened that night. It was absolute business I smell in the air. Roger, having learned that I could sing a tune and amazed by it asked me to be their female vocalist. Shocked I said I’m going to think about it; only to say ‘no’ to it after a week of thinking.
“I’m just a simple girl. I don’t dream to become a star. I’m happy that I can sing.”
Yes. That’s what I always told myself: I’m just a simple girl.
Roger didn’t ask me again to be a part of their band but did ask me to be their first critic. Although, I didn’t promise to be there every time they have rehearsal, it’s amazing that I’m always there in absolute presence, sitting in front of them every Friday night and watching them like an amazed cat. Until I realized the strange feeling I feel towards Roger. Many times, I catch myself staring at him while he is singing. Many times, my heart beats fast when he sits beside me some inches away. His refreshing scent tickles every piece of my body and his baritone voice a serenade to my ears. That certain feeling was scary for me but I realized I like Roger and I’ve been avoiding that feeling for a quite some time now. I mean, I never liked a guy that way before. He’s special. He’s different.
“Simple dreams are the hardest dreams to achieve,” Roger said and strung his guitar. “You know what? I want to see myself ten years from now living a happy marriage life with Alice. ”
Of course I know that. Roger loves Alice but she loves some other guy in our campus. And Roger, for the lack of better word, uses me to know what Alice is doing in our campus because Alice and I are in the same school and always hanging out together. Alice doesn’t care if I tell Roger she’s dating other cute guy because Alice wants to get rid of Roger. It is only Roger who keeps pushing himself into Alice.
“Actually, it is too early to talk about that stuff. Let’s just enjoy the things that make us happy today. We are young and we have a big life ahead of us.”
Roger looked at me and nodded. He smiled.
“What’s that smile supposed to mean?” I could feel my red face so I looked away.
He stopped playing guitar. After a moment of calculated silence he’s on his guitar again, “Let’s play ‘name that tune’!”
I looked at him and tapped his arms. “Dare me!”
The Sea
I fear the sea when it touches the sky;
When it is dark blue I quiver inside.
When it roars like war I close my eyes.
Oh, I fear the sea, just hold me tight.
I fear the sea when it rolls,
Crawls,
And folds;
When it is serene I throw a stone;
When seabirds come I watch in joy;
But I still fear the sea
And I ‘m growing old
I fear but love the idea of the sea;
The beauty of freedom and unpredictability;
So easy it can drown me in obscurity
Like it did in thousands of ships,
And a thousand history.
Oh, I wish I could paddle on the sea
And it reveres the thought we are both children of immortality;
So when I fall to discover its mystery
It will let me float in absolute buoyancy.
Playing Music
Marilou Enoya
If your life is a piece of music what type of music would it be? What kind of words would it contain? Would it have a soft melody? Or would it be a melancholic song or a jolly song? Would it sound like noise or just plain instrumental?
Many people would probably agree to me if I say that music is one of the important tools for self expression because music is a language of our inner selves. We sing when we are happy or sad. We sing in our minds when we are bored. We sing when we are in love. We sing when we worship God. Like streams, winds, trees, and birds we sing.
Music is about human experiences. We cry when we hear a lonely song because the song is about loneliness; and we know deep in our hearts what loneliness is. Perhaps we cry because we remember an old friend or a loved one that we’ve never seen for a long time, and that song is the song you used to sing together. More often than not, we relate songs we hear to our own experiences and sometimes we identify our feelings with songs, we identify ourselves with song.
I personally love music that is sincere. I love songs I can identify myself or my feelings with. My life is a piece of music composed of melodies, high and low notes, time, space, rhymes, beginnings and endings. Music is my life and I am entitled to playing it the way I want. It doesn’t really matter if I play it out of tune or timing. What matters most is I play it with my heart.
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